im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
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