you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
