chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
