Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
