i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
