What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
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I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
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Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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