god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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