I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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