fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
