Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
