i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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