Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
40s are totally the cure
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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