How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
