Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
