I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
