I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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