I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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