My underwear smells like fireworks.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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