She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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