New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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