I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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