You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
