Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
