Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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