oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
