just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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