I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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