there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
