At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
