My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
