Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have post one night stand depression
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
