idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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