I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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