i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
