im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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