Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Randomize
