So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
