Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
