i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
...so i touched it.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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