sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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