I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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