i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
