Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
