I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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