Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
