i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
