oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
