i would punch a child for taco bell
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
