well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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