The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
