I think im going to throw up on grandma
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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