lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
