Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
