I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
