Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
