you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
