youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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