He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dude. I can hear the air.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
