He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
