he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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