I heard we made out
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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