Swine flu. Run for my life!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
