Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
