Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
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Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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