You just made me feel so damn special
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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