i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
