Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
