Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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