i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
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Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
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It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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