direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
