yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
