ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
