Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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