I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
