the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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