Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
