tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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