Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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