I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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