Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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