i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
