the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
