The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
